“High performance doesn't mean get as much done as you can possibly do. It also means to take care of yourself.” -Kim Sutton
Many people think of self-care as a selfish act. On the contrary, it’s the opposite! You can not take care of others if you do not take care of yourself. Shirley and Kim share how self care can strengthen and deepen your connection with yourself and meet your needs from a mental, emotional, spiritual and physical standpoint. Kim also shares her struggles with self-care and how she overcame all of it. You don’t have to be alone in your battle. Tune in and learn how you can get what you want by learning how to take care of yourself first.
Highlights:
01:39 You Don’t Have To Do Everything
09:25 Ask For Help
13:01 Disadvantage Of Saying Yes To Everybody
25:39 How Important Self-care Is
31:15 Reward Yourself
Resources:
Books
Tweets:
Don’t forget to take care of yourself first. Join in with @SfbaldwinOwens and @TheKimSutton as they discuss the importance of self-care and list some easy and practical steps to take care of yourself. #weaknesses #sleep #worry #stopsayingyes #selfcare #selfworth #worrynomore #peakproductivetime #getwhatyouwant
Quotes:
14:31 “High performance doesn't mean get as much done as you can possibly do. It also means to take care of yourself.” -Kim Sutton
16:06 “There are some people who are really happy to take advantage of you and love you when you’re giving stuff to them for free but the second you say no more, they turn into this nasty alternate version of themselves.” -Kim Sutton
17:03 “Don’t let anyone prey on your weaknesses.” - Kim Sutton
23:52 “Give other people the chance to show that they can do just as good if not better...” - Kim Sutton
26:00 “Give yourself your sleep back… The more you sleep, the more you can get done or just focus and make logical, reasonable decisions.” - Kim Sutton
35:20 “Stop worrying… there are so many things that we can actually control in a day, and worrying is not going to help it. Give up on the worry.” - Kim Sutton
Connect With Kim:
Kim Sutton is a Marketing Automation Mentor, Infusionsoft Expert, Launch and Branding Strategist and host of the Positive Productivity Podcast. She is also a wife and a mom of five. Kim has been an Interior Designer for nearly 10 years in prestigious firms in Chicago, New York City, Greenwich, Connecticut, and Ohio. She thought she had been living her dream life until she went down a downward spiral. As she learned how to navigate successfully through life, she was able to get back up. Now, she has found her purpose and passion: helping entrepreneurs to live a positive and productive life.
Transcriptions
Shirley Owens: My guest today is Kim Sutton. Kim is a Marketing Automation mentor, Infusionsoft expert, launch and branding strategist, host of the Positive Productivity Podcast, wife and a mom of five. Wow, Kim, thank you for being here in all your busy schedule.
Kim Sutton: Oh, you're so welcome. Thank you for having me.
Shirley Owens: Oh, my gosh. I used to have a business consulting firm, and I worked with Infusionsoft, and I was just amazed at the minds of the people that are Infusionsoft experts, and then you do all this other stuff, and you're a mom of five. I'm just really excited talking to you today about what we're going to talk about because we're going to be talking about self care and that is definitely a weak spot for me. That's definitely a place that I lack in, so I really want to know how you do it all.
Kim Sutton: I don't, that's the biggest thing I can say to you is, I DO NOT DO IT ALL. And I went through enough years of trying to pretend I was perfect, that I ended up going into a downward spiral of depression, and anxiety, and lack of self care. But that was because I was trying to do it all. And when I realized that I didn't have to, Oh, my gosh, it was amazing. I mean, my office is a mess because my kids won't stop dropping toys and clothes here.
Shirley Owens: Same.
Kim Sutton: Yeah. And I told you, pre-chat, I said, if I could identify as anything today, it would be a mombie. I mean, some days you take showers, some days you don't. Some years, you just might not shave your legs.
Shirley Owens: Sometimes makeup gets put on three days in a row on top of each other, all the times for me, that happens. So yeah, I love it. Then I want to know how you don't do it all. And yeah, just keep talking. I just, I'm amazed by you.
Kim Sutton: So I have a lot of automation set up, not even just Infusionsoft but anything that can be automated in my business, I have tried to automate, and I get frustrated when I can't automate things. So for example, like my Instagram posts are already scheduled to go out for the next two weeks.
Shirley Owens: Wow.
Kim Sutton: And I will just, yeah. So I spent, and I like to do that myself. There's some things that I know that we shouldn't do ourselves. And I've gotten increasingly better at delegating those things out. Like my podcast production for example. But I really love the personal miss, is that a word? I make upwards to, of my Instagram captions, but I'll just block out half a day and go through my phone, make the quotes, just get that all set up. And now I have two weeks set out, and I do the same for Pinterest.
Shirley Owens: Oh, gosh. So I didn't even know you could do that on Instagram. And social media is my nemesis. I know it's supposed to be my best friend, and I just have the hardest time because I really want to put all that thought and personal time into it. I just went to Ireland for 10 days, and I kept trying to do a day at a time while I was there because, Oh, my gosh, I just have so much to share about that, and I got home, and I did my day seven posts yesterday, my coming home post tomorrow, and like I'm so far behind but I really feel like each time I try to do that it's hard to find to set aside time every single day. So I'm really excited to not that seem impossible. I wish I would have known this a long time ago.
Kim Sutton: No, that's okay. There's so many different tools. And for anybody who's wondering, there's the later, I use Tailwind App, and Oh, my gosh, you got to set up affiliate accounts with these people, Shirley. But yet later in Tailwind are two. But even through Hootsuite, and Buffer, and a whole bunch of other tools now, Planner and TailWind are both great because you can see if, okay, I have Instagram OCD, so I like my pattern to be just so, and I can see what it looks like in TailWind.
Shirley Owens: Oh, my gosh. Okay, before we even get to all of this other stuff we are going to talk about, I am probably going to have to hire you to teach you all of this.
Kim Sutton: That's perfect. I love this stuff. I mean, I eat and breathe them, sleep it. So yeah, let's do that.
Shirley Owens: Awesome. Okay, well, I'm gonna quit asking all these business questions and let you talk.
Kim Sutton: No, that's okay. So here's a couple of other things that we do too. And it was really hard for me to give in to doing these, and the breaking point when I justified it to one of my teenagers grocery shopping, I started ordering my groceries online and either having them delivered or going through the drive through at the grocery store to pick them up because taking any of our kids to the grocery automatically doubles the length of the trip.
Shirley Owens: You spend more money, right?
Kim Sutton: Yes, exactly that too. So my 13 year old said: "How can we justify the $5?" And I just point blank said to him: "You know how much I'm making an hour?" He says: "Yes." I said: "So, is it worth spending an hour in the grocery? Or is it worth spending 15 minutes online and $5 for them to bring it up to the car?" He said: "Oh, okay. I get it." And then, I mean, same with, we finally, I feel like I'm being sort of snobby here, but we finally hired somebody to mow our lawn. My husband is a disabled veteran, and him going out to mow the lawn would put him down for three days, and that he's a manny. He takes care of our four year old twins during the day.
Shirley Owens: Manny and mombie, I love it.
Kim Sutton: Yes. Oh, my gosh, we should totally, you just helped me figure out our Halloween costumes for this year.
Shirley Owens: I might have to have an Instagram site right now, a new one, since you know how to automate it.
Kim Sutton: Oh, my gosh. That is so great. Yes, I'm writing that down.
Shirley Owens: I have chronic idea disorder, just so you know.
Kim Sutton: You have it too.
Shirley Owens: Yeah, I learned it from you, and looking, learning about you and your stuff, and I totally identify with that. So I just came up with another idea for you.
Kim Sutton: I'm seriously writing that down. That is so classic.
Shirley Owens: Right? Manny and mombie, of course, that just came to my mind. Well, it's funny that you talk about groceries because I recently had hip surgery, my recent, I say eight months ago, but I'm getting ready to have it replaced because it didn't work. But during that time, I had to drive the little cart through Costco, and I learned about online grocery shopping, and I learned about having a maid, and I learned about a pool guy, and a yard guy. And so, my husband's a doctor anesthesiologist, so he works a ton of hours, and he doesn't want to do any of that. And so, I wanted to be super mom, so I kept thinking like, wait, is this going to take from me being a mom? Or me being a wife? Am I like stroking all these responsibilities? But what I realized, and this is probably what you're going to be talking about already, but you brought up the grocery thing. So I realized that I had a little bit of time that I had hobbling around on my walker and my crutches I got to spend with my kids, and maybe make an Instagram post once in a while. Those are the other things that I haven't yet done, but we even have meals prepared. One of my oldest daughter prepares, does our meal planning, and so, but it's crazy because I feel like, yeah, I felt bad about it, or I felt like a small or something, but that really definitely made a difference for me. I mean, I couldn't do it in Costco, ordering online is even more than $5, and I was like, yeah, it's got to work this way.
Kim Sutton: Yeah, well, I mean, we also use Instacart and they have an annual charge or something like, for Americans, it's like $95 for the year or something like that, and then you do have to tip on top of it. But still the difference in me giving up an hour of work, or my husband putting in an extra hundred dollars of stuff into the cart because, I don't know about you, but when my husband goes to the store, and he's going to the store today because we have a small order, but I know that when he comes home today, he's not just going to get the bare necessities that we need, but he's going to come home with chips, and Hawaii Twizzlers, and about five other things that we really didn't need. The bottle of wine will be welcome, but everything else could have stayed there.
Shirley Owens: I just love this conversation because my husband's at the store right now. I have interviews all day, and he had a minute off of work, but he broke his foot and he's like, I'm still going. I can do this. You did it. I can do it, but yeah, it's great. I love, this is just such a, I think we are going to inspire a ton of women today, and whoever the manny's and the mombies, we're going to be inspiring them today with this self care topic. Wow, I already learned so much and it's only been like 20 minutes. So keep talking.
Kim Sutton: Okay. Here's the next thing that I learned, it is totally okay to ask my kids to do stuff around the house. I mean, my husband and I got married seven years ago I think, and we each already had two kids from previous relationships. His are off with their moms or other families. But my two, my ex husband only lives a block and a half away from my house, that's our fault, we moved into that neighborhood after him, but they're teenagers. And then my husband who never wanted to get remarried or have more kids, all of a sudden wanted to have a baby with me and get married, and one baby turned into an oops twins, 16 months later. So the kids that are in the house range from four year old twins to 16 year old, and 13 and 16 year old, you know, they want, someone forgot to tell me where to pick up the mom Chauffeur punch card because I am missing out on sweet bonuses somewhere, I should be earning gas points or something.
Shirley Owens: There has to be something, like some kind of tax right offer as many miles as you drive.
Kim Sutton: Yes. I mean, just because there's another volleyball game tonight where your friends are playing does not mean I'm going to drop everything and take you to the fourth sporting event of this week. But anyway, that kid or am I, in return for three loads of done laundry complete with sorting, folding and putting away, I might.
Shirley Owens: I love it. I'm just learning this. So I have the same thing. We have five to 25, I have 16, 20, 23, 25, and my husband has five, nine, and 11 now. So we are doing the same thing. And I have 5 to 16 in my house, and I didn't even think that I could ask them to do so, well, but it's like, okay, today I need you to do all of this, right? I've just been learning that this week. I told my son yesterday, my 16 year old, I need the dog bathed, and the garbage is out, and I need you to do the dishes. Oh, and can you put dinner away? Because I'm tired and I'm jet lagged. Oh, and can you remind me in the morning, you know, so yeah. I love it.
Kim Sutton: Yeah, absolutely. So my 16 year old, full disclosure, I don't put my kids' names out there anymore cause I had death threats earlier this year and they went after my kids, physically went after my kids, but they did extensive research to find out what my kids' names were. But my 16 year old, the brand name of our dishwasher is his name, because even with seven people in our house, we do not have like a physical dishwasher. We have one that stands on two legs. So he wants to drive, you know, he just got his permit, he wants his license, like look, look dude. And this is how we talked to him. I'm married to an air force, but so my language is a little bit raw sometimes. "But look dude, you want insurance for the car because that's what it's going to take to get your license, and that's going to cost a good bit. You have internet access to your OWN COMPUTER, which you get to play on as soon as your homework and your chores are done, do your chores, do your chores." So every day the dishes are done. And then the other one has cat boxes and laundry, and the house is still a mess. But you know, it's our happy mess. So beyond that, what I found that I was doing, and I'm sorry, as a podcast host myself, I tend to get a little talky. So just tell me to be quiet sometimes.
Shirley Owens: No, I'm loving this. Like this is the highlight of my day, honestly, this conversation.
Kim Sutton: Awesome. So I was saying yes to everybody in everything in my business, for the first four years. And it got to the point, I mean, I love working with business and life coaches because I love supporting them and supporting other people. But I was saying yes to dentists, and okay dentists, you are great, I love my teeth, but I don't care about your website. That is so mean. I just don't like, I don't have the same passion there. But I was saying yes to everybody, and I didn't have any time left to myself. And every time I said yes, like I was pretending I had another 40 hours in my week, but I was already overstretched by 180 hours. So after my twins were born in January 2015, I went for a year and a half only sleeping two to three hours a night.
Shirley Owens: Oh, I did that.
Kim Sutton: Yeah. And by July of 2016, I was just in this deep dark place where, and I'm sorry, this is where the sad part comes in, but I was like laying in my bed, just staring at the ceiling fan, wondering if it was support me. So I had one of those experiences that until you've had one for yourself, you listen to somebody and you're like, you're making this up. But I had my own spiritual awakening and I, a series of events, I was introduced to Danielle LaPorte and Brendon Burchard, and realized that, first, I can follow my heart and I don't have to have all these ridiculous deadlines for my own work. And number two, high-performance doesn't mean get as much done as you can possibly done. It also means, take care of yourself and learn how to say NO, and drink more water than you do margaritas and coffee, which is a challenge on any given day for me.
“High performance doesn't mean get as much done as you can possibly do. It also means to take care of yourself.” -Kim Sutton
Shirley Owens: Oh, I feel like you were just meant to talk to me today. Definitely this, and I feel, I thought I was the only one who did it. And I definitely there is a problem where we just think we can't say NO to people, and this chronic idea disorder thing. I come home from Ireland, I'm like, Oh, I need to decide to finish my travel blog, and I start writing on that. And my husband's like, really? How many interviews do you have this week? And how many books are you writing right now? And what is your publicists say about that? And so, it's like a lot, but you do right, you get excited and you think you can take it on all on, and then it's not as exciting. So when you had this awakening, what did you do? Did you just cut off everybody that you didn't want, or how did that happen? Were you able to just kind of make a decision and start taking care of yourself?
Kim Sutton: Well, the one that I really didn't want the most, thankfully wasn't paying me because I also tend to be a chronic giver. So it was really easy to say, no, I can't do this anymore. And I'm realizing more and more, and I've actually gone through this this year, is that people really, there's some people, this is not everybody. There are some people who are really happy to take advantage of you, and love you when you are giving stuff to them for free. But the second that you say no more, they turn into just nasty alternate versions of themselves. So I realized that this year, all of that time, I can even give you a date. June 6, 2019, the chronic giver of myself was kicked out with the realization that the 180 hours plus that I had given to the most recent monster was, could have been used a lot better. Writing blog articles, working on my own show, creating content, creating courses that would have helped not just one person, but potentially the world. So when you're doing stuff for free, just think about how much it can get out there. Don't let anybody prey on your weaknesses, because there are people who will prey.
“There are some people who are really happy to take advantage of you and love you when you’re giving stuff to them for free but the second you say no more, they turn into this nasty alternate version of themselves.” -Kim Sutton
Shirley Owens: Yes, there are, for sure.
“Don’t let anyone prey on your weaknesses.” - Kim Sutton
Kim Sutton: And that's P-R-E-Y, for the people who P-R-A-Y, that's great. I do too, but don't be a prey, or, yeah.
Shirley Owens: Yes. Oh, no, I definitely have had that conversation a few times. Yeah, with myself. Like, why are you, what could you be doing with all that time? And I'm not saying, I don't think you're saying not to give, right? There's time, there's times when we can give and we enjoy giving, I love giving, but then there are times where I think I just need to give that--
Kim Sutton: Absolutely. For my friends, I will hop on the phone nearly any time to give. And I hope I give, my intention is always to give more than I receive. But I just realized I need to stop being a, and this might be a little bit worded very strongly, but I need to stop being a sucker. Because if we keep on saying yes to everybody else because they're broke, then we're going to be broke too.
Shirley Owens: I love that. I mean, my shows Get What You Want, and I love the idea of, I've been talking to a ton of people and it's all about how they got what they want through business, or how they got through energy healing, or how they, you know, this is super intriguing to me because, how do I get what I want by not doing something, by taking care of myself. Explain that.
Kim Sutton: I'm sure a lot of us, and I'm sure a lot of the listeners have heard the expression of the low hanging fruit, or stepping over dollars to get to dimes, you know, we need to stop doing that, but start looking at the bigger picture. And that was where I felt really guilty was I was way up close thinking that I had to do everything. But when I just stepped back and look at everything, I realized, no, I don't need to be doing that. No, I don't need to be doing this. And I'm going to give you like the biggest example is my podcast, up until October of 2018, it was a daily show, and I mean seven days a week.
Shirley Owens: Wow.
Kim Sutton: Right. But in August, September, October, and November of 2017, I was doing all the editing, and the production, and everything myself. And I mean, I'm an Infusionsoft. I was at that point in Infusionsoft certified partner, billing a 100 to 150 an hour at that point. But I was spending 75 hours a month on my podcast instead of on client work. So all of a sudden it's the end of November and Santa Claus called he needed just a little bit of help because I've got a big family, you know, needed some money. And I'm looking and I'm like, Santa, I can't really help you out right now because I spent so much time on my podcast that I forgot about my client work.
Shirley Owens: I can see how all that happens.
Kim Sutton: Yes. And I realized in that moment that that was stupid. I did not need to be the person editing. And the ridiculous thing is that I could have gotten an editor for $300 a month, but instead I was giving up 75x100, 7500, (Math is not always my strong point) I was giving up $7,500 a month because I didn't want to pay 300, which doesn't make sense.
Shirley Owens: It doesn't. But how many people do that?
Kim Sutton: A lot.
Shirley Owens: A lot. I know, I do. I know I have.
Kim Sutton: And then the other thing is, I've noticed a lot of clients who are compulsive buyers, anytime an email hits their box with a new tool or a new program that they think can help them out in any way, they buy it, whether or not they have the money for it, they just buy it. But they never go through it. Or if they do go through it, then never IMPLEMENT what they learned.
Shirley Owens: Yeah. That, Oh, I see that a lot too. And I have been that person too.
Kim Sutton: So, I am now on a spending freeze. Because if I'm not, and I have a wishlist and also a must buy list, I'm fortunate, I know some people might think it's ridiculous that you say fortunate, but I'm fortunate in that I had my first business from 2005 to 2010, and I did everything wrong, and I totally ruined my credit. So when I started this business, I couldn't get a credit card. And I NOW have a credit card just for the sake of restoring my credit, but it only has a $300 limit. So everything is bootstrapped and I love that, because if it's not a complete necessity, and I don't want it to sound like I'm, you know, broke. But there are days I am, you know, just to be totally honest. But if there's not, I would almost rather that I don't have money in the account to buy stuff because it keeps me from buying a lot of stuff I don't need.
Shirley Owens: Hmm. I agree. Yeah, that makes so much sense.
Kim Sutton: So we all just need to remember to take care of ourselves first and that sounds selfish, but there's a reason why they say, 'put our oxygen mask on first and then worry about everybody else.'
Shirley Owens: I struggle with that. I am getting better. I would say that I'm getting better at it, but it's definitely, I think being a mom, it's a struggle. Being a business owner, it's a struggle because we kind of want some control. You know? I feel like all this audit -- but then I'm like, Oh, I have to control this. You had mentioned to me earlier that your podcast was delayed for so long because you don't like your logo, so it's part of self care, like letting go of things that don't even matter that much.
Kim Sutton: Oh, absolutely. Or giving other people the chance to show that they can do just as good, if not better than I can. I mean, I've had team members blow me away and I was resistant to give up what I had been doing because I didn't see how anybody else could do it better. I mean, even cooking, I burned every single meal. Okay, 90% of the meals that I cook, but there can be that resistance, why, you know? My 16 year old wanted to cook one day, I was like, but then he blew us all away. Oh, okay. I see here now you can do the dishes and cook.
“Give other people the chance to show that they can do just as good if not better...” - Kim Sutton
Shirley Owens: Yes. No, I definitely see that too. Yeah, this is so good for me. I thought my show is going to be for other people.
Kim Sutton: Oh, I've gotten millions of dollars of free coaching, I swear on my podcast.
Shirley Owens: So great. There really is just so when my husband hears this, he's going to be like, who is this girl? I got to meet her. I love her. Cause he's always telling me the same thing, you know? Why are you doing that? Why don't you just hire someone to do that? Or why can't we just simplify, and so, I'm really loving, I'm loving this whole conversation. So I like to ask two questions, and my reasoning for it is because, at first I just thought they were the two questions that I was interested in, but I'm really realizing that a lot, there's like a lot of commonality. Like we're all, we're not so far apart with other people. And so, I love that part where, you know, just talking about what we're going through really helps other people. So I wanted to ask you if you could give, someone's listening to our show today, they're probably pulled over in their car crying because they're like, I'm not alone in this, right? So what is one piece of advice that you can give today that somebody can start implementing today that will help them to start being aware of how important self care is, and actually how self care can help them to actually do more and not, more meaning, accomplish more and not necessarily doing more.
Kim Sutton: So give yourself your sleep back.
Shirley Owens: I love that idea.
Kim Sutton: Staying up later, getting up earlier, and I think Arianna Huffington said that there, I mean, she has her book Sleep Revolution, which I honestly have not read, I just listened to enough of her. Like 1% of the population can get by on two to three hours of sleep. Don't quote me on that because I wasn't prepared for that question with the exact numbers, but the rest of us needs six to eight hours a night. So gave yourself that because you'll find that the more you sleep, the more you can actually get done, or just focus and make logical or reasonable decisions. I mean, I'm going to talk to all the moms here. Just think about those early days after your baby was born and you are sleep deprived, how logical were you? And I know there's hormones in play too, but I can tell you that I was pretty ridiculous after kids, and it's the same thing. I mean, you're going to do the same thing to yourself if you don't give yourself sleep.
“Give yourself your sleep back… The more you sleep, the more you can get done or just focus and make logical, reasonable decisions.” - Kim Sutton
Shirley Owens: Oh, I agree. Sleep is not my forte, and it's definitely something that, I always notice coming back from a trip far away, like Europe or when I went to Africa for the first, and this has happened this week is that I'm exhausted because of jet lag and the time difference. I'm going to bed, I'm going to bed early, and then I'm waking up early. But there's like eight hours of sleep because I have to have it, and yeah, my brain, everything just feels better. And you know, there are nights when I'm trying to write something or pull something together, and I just can't do it. But then, if I can get a good night's sleep, I can do it in double the time, or half the time, I mean, just, yeah.
Kim Sutton: Shirley, when do your peak productive time of the day?
Shirley Owens: I would say 7:30 to 9:30 in the morning, honestly.
Kim Sutton: What time do you get up?
Shirley Owens: I get up at probably 6:00.
Kim Sutton: Okay. So you can take that time, right? I mean, I know you have kids, I have kids, but I know that those peak hours for me are also in the morning. But I was starting to allow myself to just sleep until the kids got up. And then I just lost those times. Now I am a night owl too, which doesn't help.
Shirley Owens: I am too.
Kim Sutton: Cause I'll stay up till one, two, three. But when my peak productive times are 6:00 to 8:00 in the morning, I'm sort of sacrificing those by staying up so late.
Shirley Owens: Yeah, I used to do that. So I do the same thing. I stay up really late then get up really early, and then wake up three times in the night too, with ideas to write down or whatever. But I would find myself taking the kids at school, coming home at eight, and just because I can, cause I'm alone in my house, I could just crawl right back in bed and go back to sleep because I was so tired from [inaudible]. But I do love, I dunno, it's probably been a good six months since I've come home and crawled back in bed. And I love to just realize that I come in the door after taking my kids to school, and I'm like, I have this whole morning, I'll go sit outside, I made a little area with flowers, and just a space that's mine, and I'm just learning self care. I say six months, but honestly, yeah, I've done a couple little things that I'm adding on and that's why I was asking, did this come right now to you, or have you learned that, Oh, I need to do this, or I needed to have a space that I loved working in that wasn't my office, or I loved sitting outside in the mornings. And in Arizona it's hot now, and so I've fixed that a little bit. I'm in the house in the mornings, but yeah, instead of calling back in bed, I love that you're talking about this because that is what I did, and I need to be aware of that, of not keep myself up so late so that I destroy that part in the morning.
Kim Sutton: Yeah. I am still guilty of that. I turned 40 this year. I feel like I've learned more this year than I did in the first 40 years.
Shirley Owens: You become mortal when you're 40, you're like, Oh wait, this hurts, or this aches or--
Kim Sutton: Yeah. Well, I've also learned more about myself and more about my boundaries, and have gained the confidence that I needed to tell people when I didn't like what they were doing, and to stand up for myself. And the door back Kim went away when I turned 40. Okay, plus a couple of months, but she's officially gone now.
Shirley Owens: There's actually a biological, and I'm not going to quote exactly percentage or whatever either, but there is a biological, something that takes place in our bodies, especially as women at that age when we start thinking more about us because usually by that age, our bodies are passed the child wearing ,and our child birthing, I should say not necessarily the wearing, but yeah, there is something about that that's biological that something clicks in our minds that we have to start taking for awhile.
Kim Sutton: Absolutely. Oh, I love that. I didn't realize that, but I hope that everybody can experience it like I did. Can I share something that I learned just this morning actually.
Shirley Owens: Sure.
Kim Sutton: I've had Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins on my bookshelf for 10 years, and I'm determined to finish it by the end of the year. It's not a bad book. It's just really fat and it's not convenient to carry in my purse, and I don't like eBooks. So I was reading it this morning and he was talking about positive reinforcement, which I'm sure any of us with kids have thought about many times before. We've heard about in multiple contexts in the past. But what he was saying is, when we do something that's good for us and that was a goal, we need to reward ourselves immediately. So I was just sitting in there thinking, because I have a great problem getting to 100% on my personal projects. When it comes to client work, I get to 200% cause that's what I'm paid to do. So there's that reward that comes, you know? But for my personal projects, I mean, I have a huge rubbermaid bin next to me full of barely started knitting projects. And I have to, anytime I want to knit again, I had to go buy new needles, so that's just an example, not work stuff. So I was thinking, well, what can I do to reward myself? And the first thing was, well, food, I like Chipotle, but then it was like, no, I already want to lose weight so that's not going to work. And then I was thinking of drink. I mean, I would always love an extra margarita, but then I was like, that's not going to help me get to 100% either. No, I am not a lush. I do not sit around my desk drinking margaritas all day. But it is five o'clock somewhere, so if you're an entrepreneur, I give you permission. But then the last thing that came to mind was we've owned our house for a year now and I've wanted to have a garden in the back, and I haven't given myself permission to buy the stuff that would be required. And so, I decided that now, anytime I reach a hundred, I'm going to invest in something in the garden. And I'm not only am I going to be able to see the results of it actually being finished, but I'm going to see it growing in the backyard.
Shirley Owens: Yes. I love that. I love my flowers. I love my space and my flowers too. And yeah, that's so smart to reward yourself.
Kim Sutton: Yeah. And I didn't know what else to do. I mean, I had somebody on my podcast who uses consequences for herself when she doesn't get things done, but she didn't really talk about the root, the positive reinforcement for when we do get stuff done. So if we reward our kids, why aren't we rewarding ourselves?
Shirley Owens: And as coaches, we reward our clients.
Kim Sutton: Exactly.
Shirley Owens: And we tell them to reward themselves, and we tell them it's okay to make these and all this. But yeah, you're right. You're right. I feel guilty. I feel guilty if I'm rewarding myself with something cause I have 40 other things that are not finished at home.
Kim Sutton: I mean, for the coffee drinkers, what if you allowed yourself to drink the super special coffee in the morning? If you slept a suitable amount of hours the night before, but then you had to do the, okay, I'm not knocking generic coffee, it's what I drink. But you had to drink generic coffee.
Shirley Owens: Starbucks or something.
Kim Sutton: Right, right. Personally, I don't see the difference, but for people who do, I mean, that would be a great reward. I'm going to reward myself for taking appropriate action in the area of self care.
Shirley Owens: Well, I love it. So that's great. So I want everyone that's listening today to find something that they haven't done, haven't finished, finish it, and then reward yourself and see what it feels like. I'm going to do that. I'm doing it. Thanks Kim.
Kim Sutton: Oh, you're welcome.
Shirley Owens: You're the best. So if there was something, is there anything that you would do differently if you were to go back, I don't know, 20 years, and I don't know, 10 years. Just to go back, is there something that you regret that you did, or didn't do, or would be doing differently right now?
Kim Sutton: Stop worrying. I know that's a lot easier said than done, but there's only so many things that we can actually control in a day, and worries not going to help it. So give up on the worry.
“Stop worrying… there are so many things that we can actually control in a day, and worrying is not going to help it. Give up on the worry.” - Kim Sutton
Shirley Owens: I agree wholeheartedly. Although I am, my kids send the biggest warrior ever. So, yeah. I think it's Reiki, don't quote me on this either, but we're just throwing all kinds of stuff out there. But some, it's a Reiki saying that says, for two day only, I will not worry.' Somebody sent that to me once, and every once in a while I bring it up and I'm like, okay, all right, this is gonna be my whole mantra for today, I'm just not going to worry. So yeah, that's awesome.
Kim Sutton: Oh, and remind myself to stop cutting my hair when I'm having a bad day.
Shirley Owens: All right. That's a wrap on the show.
Kim Sutton: Well, I don't mean, cut my own hair, but--
Shirley Owens: We've always have done that, right?
Kim Sutton: Yeah. Don't let a bad day make you go get your bangs cut. You've worked so many years to do that. So stop worrying, do some breathing exercises, and keep your beautiful hair. That's all I got to say.
Shirley Owens: Okay, you are amazing. I feel like we could talk for five hours on this, and I might need to have you back four or five more times so that we can cover all the self care, but thanks so much for taking time out of your mombie mode day, and sending that with me, and helping me, I feel like I just had the best coaching session.
Kim Sutton: Thank you.
Shirley Owens: I don't know. Sit by the pool or something.
Kim Sutton: Used to do it.
Shirley Owens: So anyway, you're the best. Thanks so much for being on the Get What You Want Podcast.